MY MONA LISA | Passpartout #1


[French accent] Bonjour pour le matin to ya laddies! Welcome to Passpartout – The Starving Artist. Here we have Passpartout here our amazing artist He is struggling, he is starving He does not know what to do with life So he’s just going to paint, going to paint, make all the money, get all of the bread [Normal] Why – I’m mixing accents here! *chuckles* Anyway – welcome to Passpartout. It just came out on Steam And it reminded me a lot of 90-second portraits, Which I really liked. Where you get in, you play- you ma- You make the portraits and based on what people wanted and you try to copy stuff So I think it might be kind of like that But all I know is that I get to paint pictures of my own as my [French] oh my bouncing baby boy here – uuh [Normal] Passpartout. I – you look familiar though. I don’t know why. NEW career! I don’t actually know how the gameplay proceeds after this. [French] Act one – New Beginnings. Get ready for that accent A LOT in this video, by the way. [French] Oh oui oui, c’est magnifique, ohh très bien, oh comment ça va? Oh ça va bien? *chuckles*
[Normal][Reading] Click at the easel to start painting. Um, sure thing. [French] Ohh, passpartout, OHH Oh, le bonne Um… ami! Uhh… le petit ami, oh très bien!
[Normal] What am I painting? Art! Ah… “acheter” Um… right. I’m the fine – if you’re just going to let me paint anything I think we all know what I’m going to paint, which is… ah [FR] AAH le petit Samii [EN] Uh, right there. And… No, let’s get a little bit smaller with this bitch. There we go, and then we need a little white and then you go, hup Ha [FR] Ohh, petits amis! Looking verrry good! All the french people at home are like “he’s speaking French!! “It’s terrible, but he’s speaking it!” And everybody else is like “please stop.” But that’s my picture. That’s my art. Ohhh-hhh! I’m a starving artist, so I have to paint and people have to come buy them from me. Name. Uhm… Le mannnnnnnn… magnifffique… … Sami. I think that’s how you spell it? What’s up baguette man?! You have a head that looks like a pumpkin! Nice to meet you! Can people actually buy my – my stuff? Here’s gorillas! Gorillas is here. Benjamin – [FR][Reading] Messieur, this tinkles my facial hair. I will buy it for 15. [EN] Ummm Sure, why not. I can make another Sami. No problem. Aah! [FR] C’est bon! C’est – [EN] this good? This doesn’t make any fucking sense. What else are we gonna draw? Um – kay Let’s draw something like super abstract. Something that like – nobody will really get but to me means a lot, which is Oh yes, oh, oh here we go. Here we go. Oh, magic’s happening, magics happening, d’you feel that? D’you feel that? It looks like a hot dog *laughs* *more laughing* Oh l’hot dog Le hot dog oh Yes, Oui Oui Ah I call this le haute dog. Fucking up are you back to buy more baguette man? Le haute… Dog… Wait, what does haute mean it means like top or something? Haute du matin dear laddie. [Reading] Click the register to keep track of your cash flow. Well Why do I need to keep track of my cash flow what’s going on? What do I actually need money for wine baguettes and rent? The things that all good French people go for, and so I’m minus 80. So I need to keep the – I need to keep the Uh the money rolling. He paid 17 for this! No fuckin problemo, dude. You can have that all you want… um Right, this one now is going to be my piece de resistance Yes, as all good french people know the piece de resistance is le smiley face There we go this one means a lot to me wait, oh wait. It’s done Yeah, this one means a lot to me. This says a lot about you know humanity and society in general. I call this one ”Pain” It’s hidden pain. It’s not the upfront pain. It’s the hidden pain inside your hidden pain for reality Let’s draw the sky We’re going to draw the sky like this– look at my guy go *laughs* Yes, my dude! That’s what it’s all about. Uh, we’ll just draw some little cloud Fresh like a morning baguette– three? [FR]Do you think I could buy le petit baguette for three? No no no no get out of my sight. Uh, personne n’échappe à mon regard ( means : nobody can run away from my gaze!) [EN]Um, right what else we gonna draw we’re gonna draw some little trees Some nice little swooshers, nice little swooshers. What are you bidding, [Reading] Effortless. George? Oohhh My friend you’re– you’re not gonna fucking buy it though Ya cock. Le petit coq oh ah George you not buy my fucking piece. Oh you say it look nice, but you no buy Why George, why? I thought we were friend. No you just turned out to be petty little douche nozzle Kay this– this one is called Man Lost in Wilderness He’s like hey, hey guys ah Six salmon caught sneaking into movie theater Just for that, now I’m going to draw six salmon Um, what would a salmon look like? There we go. There’s one salmon. [Reading] Lacks effort. Your fucking whole face lacks effort These are six salmon I want to see more focus on the craft. What are you talking about? These people, they don’t get me. You’re– fine. I’ll take three for this, baguette man And now this guy is Steve. I thought it was George Pain has sold for $3. There’s something beautiful about that. And these one two three four five six these six salmon of course are lost in the ocean. There. Lots of Ocean going on I do not just stand in front of easel. Thirty one! That is a lot. You can have lost boy Mr. Benjamin, Benjamin the baguette boy. I love you… um Six salmon, no I wanna fucking write on this. You have now unlocked a new tool Is it George? Cuz George was a bit of a tool, look, did I unlock him? This guy’s buying all my pieces; I fucking love that guy… um Spray paint, yes, now I can really truly come alive. What’s this shit? Now we draw the sky again bluhluhluhluhluhluh *chuckles* Will we do this? We do this. Yes? Oh, yes Wispy wispy little cloudys. Oh, it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense to you, um, I’m just gonna call this one “Vague” You know, you just put those red dots down. [Reading] I want to see more focus on the craft Georgie Georgie little puddin’ pie. What do I have to say to you except fuck off? Go suck on penis I do not want to hear from George Thinking he know a lot about my art Colors too crazy for me. See if your fucking facial hair is too crazy for me. Um This is gonna be a good one. This is gonna be a good one. Here we are. [Reading] I want carefully crafted paintings I paint and I paint and I slave away, and People come and they think that they know me they think they know my art. They think they can come criticize me on the street No, nuh uh, nuh uh [Reading] This right here proves expression does not require skill. Maggie, oh Maggie you’re a walking cringe factory. Yes Yes, this one’s very good. [Reading] Bloody awesome mate! Ah fucking thanks, Cynth Cynth, you’re my fucking man. Woman. You’re my biggie, the holy person. Thank you Appreciated that means a lot to me uh Right I need to put a suit on this oh Yes, as you can see the wind sweeps through his hair Can’t really put white on white This– This is the wind, okay. That’s the wind, It– It represents that summer, that winter that I spent with my man– this one’s called Hmm, what should we call this one, I want to call this one Conan. No, not Consan. You know what? Fuck it, Consan. What else should I draw? I mean I’ve tried to draw stuff draw stuff that’s just super obscure that people don’t get but then they look at it and they’re like Aaaaah, I see the artist was truly suffering when they made this piece. I call this one, “Rainbow” Except, does this really have rainbow colors in it? “Death by Color” It’s good I think that’s the one that Cynthia or whatever the fuck their names are would really go for. The choice of color is a bit Too radical yeah, well maybe is not for you Steve If it’s too radical that means it elicited an emotion out of you, and that’s what all art is about It’s just about emotions. [Reading] A light tornado hits the Normandy area. No casualties, but several hats missing That gives me a great idea For my next piece. That’s the ground right there okay? That’s the ground And these are the clouds. Oh! The artist is going fucking crazy in the background That’s that right and then, up here we have [Reading] Fresh like a morning baguette. Benjamin Benjamin’s my fucking dude. Benjamin’s my dog homie Jim Jam. This here is a– is a tornado I know, it doesn’t really look like it, but get fucked Just cuz you don’t understand This is it joining up at the top need to figure that out. I really wish they drew art like this in real life You know just going fucking crazy up in this And then we draw down the side just so– This is the dust and the dirt and everything flying all about whooloolooloo Um, and then over here we have like No, wrong brush. Over here, we have like… like a cow That’s a cow Flying through the air. People may not get it. People don’t get my art, okay, but those people can go *makes a fart sound* Um God I lack so much imagination when it comes to drawing pictures of things. What do I draw? I don’t fucking know. [Reading] This artist understands me Is it because it’s like the inner turmoil inside your heart Cynth? I know it is I know it is Tell– say it to me Cynth, who hurt you? Who hurt you? I want to know! Um Twist Her has sold for 72. That’s my highest so far. I like this one I like this one. Something about the green hair that just speaks to me, you know? His name is Grayson Grayson, my grass son, my grassy boy. What are you gonna say to me George? Steve. [Reading] Is this a child’s drawing? No! Steve. No, I’m gonna have to say a big fucking noperino on that one It does not matter child, adult, boy, dog as long as art is being created, as long as the emotions are flowing the art is real [Reading] Monsieur this thing tingles my facial hair. Thank you Benjamin. Benjamin’s got like a whole fucking gallery of my art back home A diminutive enterprise Yes Thank you 156. Oh I have 353 now. A splash of color there a Splash here. I like it. I like it It has what I am looking for except maybe that cuz that was bullshit. Scrap it, throw it away! Let me start again. Let the juices flow Oh what am I feeling? What were you telling to me oh art Lord? That’s it That’s it. Speak to me, or let your vision flow through me. Very good, Very good. I don’t know what it is, but the art Lord works in mysterious ways, I tend not to know. Oh, yes, yes Oh Benjamin c’est tres bein! This one is just called “Art” People don’t understand the artistic merits in art then they’re not going to know fucking anything [Reading] We’ve decided that you’re becoming too popular. Except no money more money from us Benjamin! Benjamin, no! Don’t leave me like this! I needed you and your salty baguettes [Reading] Sellout Benjamin, get the fuck off my block. The fuck out of here Benjamin, ya walking cock Okay, you know we’re gonna draw. I’m gonna draw Benjamin big stupid face Benjamin’s big stupid French man face. Look at his stupid face. Hate that guy, that guy sucks Fucking coming in here saying that he wants lots of stuff from me, and then be like, “Oh “That’s not good anymore.” *chuckles* I’ve drawn Wario *laughs* *laughs more* This one, *stops to laugh* It looks so stupid. I’m just gonna call this one “WAAAAA!!!” [Reading] Boring Fine. Fine. Fine. [Reading] Seems to be just a few fields of color Who said that art needed to be lots of colour?! Who said that, George, who said it give me their number? I’ll call them up and punch them through the phone [Reading] Seems to be just a few fields of colour. George has his fucking hat on backwards today He doesn’t know what he wants Needs a fucking kick in the arse. [Reading] This right here proves expression does not require skilled Thank you, Maggie! Maggie gets it. Maggie knows What’s up. Art is sold for 10 Europe. Someone has taken notice of Paapartout’s to artivities Ooohhh Right now I am drawing a snow-capped mountain [Reading] Where’s the energy mate, it’s so bland? Tell you where the energy is, somewhere else so get lost and go find it. I’m making art here. What do you want from me? It’s all about expression This is the grassy fields underneath said mountain Don’t think it really comes across, um These are just a bunch of tulips Just laying about it’s just a bunch of colours. It’s a bunch of– it’s a field of flowers [Reading] Seems to be just a few fields of color. I’m getting really sick of George. You know what, you know what? Getting really sick of George’s antics. George is not my bro anymore. I’m gonna call this one “George” Just call it George, let’s see if he comes by and buys it [Reading] Too dull. You hear that George?! Too dull! Steve. [Reading] Good execution, bid 80 Steve knows what’s up! $1 $2 $3 Sold to Steve! [Reading] Passpartout’s ways of interpreting new ideas has become a hot topic for many amateur critics I’m gonna draw a star just because of that Just cuz you said that that and I have no idea Steve wants to buy George for $59 Hey $1 $1 We got $1 over here. $2 $2 Steve wanna buy *mumbling* To the man in the back $1 $3 Oh $59 *more mumbling* $59 Sold! For $59 to Steve! George, you’re Steve’s now You have to go live with him. He’s your new Dad Okay I’m drawing a star Because I feel like I want to because I feel like I am one And this star is gonna have a little face *giggling* He’s cute. Ohhh I love him. He is my new “Bouncing Baby Boy” Here we go nice. Nice, I like that one [Reading] Have I seen this painting before? Maybe in your dreams Steve cuz that’s where you live, cuz you’re a star That one is for you. [Reading] Bill’s paid, money left; $299. I’m a fuckin genius. I’ve got this. I’ve got this figured out [Reading] “Just in it for the cash?” Benjamin I thought you fucking left Take your non-sensorino bullshit ass out of here, or I will fucking kill you I mean, I probably won’t but I’m thinking about it [Reading] “Where’s the bloody originality mate?” I don’t know maybe back in the 70s. Maybe back in the 80s with your fucking outfit Drawing a little boat. It’s a little boat out in the ocean Little sausage boat [Reading] “Lame.” Yeah, just like the outfit you put on today Steve I’m sorry some of you guys going to say I’m being a bit harsh to these guys But they’re literal douchebags. Just coming in here thinking that they can fucking tell me how to draw my shit Only I know how to draw my shit look at this lightning bolt What up, didn’t think that was going to happen did you? [Reading] “Too minimalistic” That’s what they say about your facial hair on the weekends *laughs* All my insults are just like personal attacks. It’s my art. If they insult it, they insult my entire livelihood I should draw one of these fuckos next. Maggie. [Reading] “Gosh, it’s so unoriginal” I’m gonna leave that, I’m gonna let that one slide. I’m going to call this one Harry Potter storm Cause it’s got a lightning bolt Yes, I’m gonna draw Maggie’s stupid head. Draw Maggie’s stupid head from the side [Reading] “You made a painting mate, but you didn’t make art” Try not to take it personally. Try not to get insulted by it But they just keep coming on and on. [Reading] “Mainstream garbage” *fake sobbing* I try my best I have bills to pay! I have- Dog to feed! George! George likes my storm! George I appreciate you. You’re my dude! Thank you. Now, I can afford to eat the noodles for dinner Bread! Here I come! Fuck out of my camera [Reading] “Have I seen this painting before?” Yeah, like four times cuz you’ve been around the block a bunch. Ya fuck. Get out here Yeah, these do look like children drew them. *giggles* I’m gonna name this one Maggie and see if she comes by and buys it Is that you? Maggers? Is that you here to torment me yet again? [Reading] “Gosh it’s so unoriginal” Can I destroy this can I set it on fire? That’s it set it all on fire. It’s over [Reading] “This artist seems to know their craft.” I’m sorry this is for Maggie. I want to see if Maggie gets it. Wait I didn’t even see if you were Maggie There’s two of each person except Benjamin. I think he’s the only one of them Come on. Come on. Look at my picture. Do you like it? [Reading] “Where’s the energy mate? It’s so bland” Well lookie here Maggie That’s an image of you, and you’re saying it’s so bland. Well welcome to reality Maggie I hope you’ve learned something here today. I hope you go back and reassess your life decisions [Reading] “Effortless” Yeah, that’s a good thing. I’m gonna take that as a compliment Not that I put no effort into it, but that I made it so fucking well And I’m so amazing at this that it was effortless for me. [Reading] “Boring” Well Steve not everyone can be as fucking high octane in life as you can be but thank you for that one. Waaaaa! And so the curtain has closed, has come down on our rainy parade for today Thank you all for joining me as I went through so many emotions Art, it means so much to me. It come from heart, it come from soul. Some of it come from arse But sometimes you need to make shit to really let the grass grow *giggles* Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching this episode on Passpartout – bunch of the game I like these kind of games where I can get in and role-play and dick around for a little bit I– God I can’t– when it comes to drawing pictures. I have no imagination I have loads of imagination when it comes to other things in life but, when it comes to drawing pictures I just can’t think of anything when I sit down to draw, and I really wish I could This would be a great game for those people out there who really want to take like minimalistic tools And make something really crazy out of it. I would love to see that I would love to see if somebody can make something amazing out of this game Like shading and everything in their pictures And then suddenly somebody comes along and buys it for like $3. That’d be so funny to see Well anyway. Thank you guys so much watching this episode. If you like it, punch that like button in the face LIKE A BOSS!!! And High fives all ’round. *high five* *high five* Thank you guys, and I’ll see all you dudes, in the next video! [Outro song: “I’m Everywhere” by Teknoaxe] Punch that like button, in its face, in its facial region, like a boss.

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