Election Night – SNL


♪♪♪
>>>THIS IS “ELECTION NIGHT IN AMERICA.”
>>I CAN’T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS IT’S GOING TO FINALLY BE
OVER.>>I DON’T KNOW, WE’LL SEE.
TRUMP’S ALREADY GOT LAWYERS TO FIGHT THE RESULTS.
>>YEAH, DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT OR I WILL LEAVE.
>>GUYS. WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FIRST
WOMAN PRESIDENT. LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE A
HISTORIC NIGHT.>>YEAH, YEAH.
IT MIGHT AN HISTORIC NIGHT. BUT DON’T FORGET IT’S A BIG
COUNTRY.>>MY FRIEND AT “THE HUFFINGTON
POST” SAYS SHE WIN BUSY 5 POINTS.
>>I DON’T KNOW, MY FRIEND AT SLATE SAYS SHE’LL WIN BY 3.
>>OH, WELL, SHE’LL WIN THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE FOR SURE BUT I
GUESS THERE’S A NIGHTMARE SCENARIO WHERE HE WINS THE
POPULAR VOTE.>>REALLY?
THAT’S YOUR NIGHTMARE SCENARIO, HUH?
[ LAUGHTER ]>>BECAUSE OF SHIFTING
DEMOGRAPHICS THERE MIGHT NEVER BE ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT
IN THIS COUNTRY.>>WORD.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU EVER BEEN AROUND THIS
COUNTRY BEFORE?>>AND WE PROJECT KENTUCKY WILL
GO TO DONALD TRUMP.>>WELL, OF COURSE HE WON
KENTUCKY, THAT’S WHERE ALL THE RACISTS ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>ALL OF THEM ARE IN KENTUCKY?
>>OH, SHE’S GOT VERMONT.>>OH, SNAP, VERMONT!
THREE ELECTORAL VOTES! THAT’S A POWER GRAB.
>>OKAY. THIS SAYS FLORIDA IS TOO CLOSE
TO CALL.>>OKAY, NO, IT SAYS TOO EARLY
TO CALL. THERE’S ONLY 1% IN.
>>I’M JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD AND CALL IT.
FLORIDA’S GOING BLUE. TO LATINOS!
>>TO LATINOS! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>WELL, OF COURSE HE’S GOING TO WIN OHIO, WE KNEW THAT.
IF WE CAN GET PENNSYLVANIA, FLORIDA, AND NORTH CAROLINA, WE
DON’T EVEN NEED OHIO.>>YEAH.
IF THE INDIANS SCORED FOUR MORE RUNS, THEY’D HAVE WON THE WORLD
SERIES TOO, DUDE.>>I’M GOING TO GRAB A XANAX
FROM THE BEDROOM.>>OKAY, GRAB ME SIX.
>>YEAH, I’LL BRING THE WHOLE BOTTLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>LOOK.
EARLY RETURNS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE REPUBLICAN.
BECAUSE REPUBLICANS GO TO SLEEP EARLY.
IT’S JUST A FACT.>>I TALKED TO MY BROTHER-IN-LAW
AT CBS. HE SAYS TRUMP’S GOING TO WIN
FLORIDA.>>WELL.
I GUESS LATINOS DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT YOUR TOAST.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>HEY, GUYS, WHAT DID I MISS?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>LARRY, TRUMP MIGHT ACTUALLY
WIN.>>HA HA HA!
I MEAN, OF COURSE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>>I TRIED TO TELL THEM THAT.>>WHAT IS HAPPENING?
WHY ARE WOMEN EVEN VOTING FOR HIM?
>>YEAH, I DON’T GET YOU LADIES. I MEAN, THE COUNTRY’S 55% WOMEN.
I MEAN, IF THE COUNTRY WAS 55% BLACK?
WELL, WE’D HAVE TONS OF BLACK PRESIDENTS.
FLAVOR FLAV WOULD BE PRESIDENT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>OKAY. ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS COME BACK
AND WIN WISCONSIN, COME BACK AND WIN MICHIGAN, COME BACK AND WIN
PENNSYLVANIA.>>SOME OF THE COUNTIES, THE
URBAN COUNTIES, THEY’RE SO — BLACK PEOPLE VOTE LATE!
[ LAUGHTER ]>>YEAH, LET’S HOPE THERE’S
100,000 OF US IN GREEN BAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
THOSE BROTHERS LOVE THE PACKERS.>>YOU NEVER KNOW, GUYS.
ALASKA’S STILL OUT THERE.>>WE’RE NOW CALLING ALASKA FOR
DONALD TRUMP.>>OH MY GOD.
I THINK AMERICA IS RACIST.>>OH MY GOD!
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER MY GREAT
GRANDFATHER TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
BUT HE WAS LIKE A SLAVE OR SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW.
>>I — I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. WHY AREN’T PEOPLE TURNING OUT
FOR HILLARY THE WAY THEY DID FOR BARACK OBAMA?
>>I MEAN, MAYBE BECAUSE YOU’RE REPLACING A CHARISMATIC
40-YEAR-OLD BLACK GUY WITH A 70-YEAR-OLD WHITE WOMAN.
THAT’S LIKE THE KNICKS REPLACING PATRICK EWING WITH NEIL PATRICK
HARRIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>AND DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES.>>YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.
IT WAS A HISTORIC NIGHT. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.
EIGHT YEARS ARE GOING TO FLY BY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>>YEAH, BUT DON’T WORRY, IT’S ALL GOING TO BE WHITE.
>>BUT WHAT ABOUT UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS?
>>THEY’RE NOT GOING NOWHERE, COME ON.
YOU ACT LIKE EVERYBODY TRYING TO PICK THEIR OWN STRAWBERRIES.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THIS IS, THIS IS CRAZY.
I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A WOMAN IN THIS
COUNTRY WHERE YOU CAN’T GET AHEAD NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO?
>>OH, GEEZ, I DON’T KNOW. I’LL PUT MY THINKING CAP ON FOR
THAT ONE AND GET BACK TO YOU.>>NO, COME ON, YOU GUYS.
GET SOME REST. YOU GOT A BIG DAY OF MOPING AND
WRITING ON FACEBOOK TOMORROW. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>>THIS IS THE MOST SHAMEFUL THING AMERICA HAS EVER DONE.
>>HA HA HA!>>HA HA HA!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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