DRAW MY LIFE: KAT BLAQUE (ANIMATED!!)


Hi, I’m Kat Blaque and this is Draw My Life. On September 14th, I was born in a city called
Linwood. And I’ve never met my birth mom. I was adopted by two loving parents named
Sharon and Warren, and they loved me and they raised me. They raised me in a very Christian home. Put
me in Christian school, and gave me the biblical name “Matthew”. I spent most of my childhood at the park.
It’s where I used to make up stories in my mind. I used to pretend I was a warrior princess and I used
to hit the trees with a stick that I found on the floor. And I used to think about my life, my future. I
used to look in the creek and wonder who I was going to be. But honestly, I never really came up with a good
answer. To a certain degree, I always knew I was different.
But I really didn’t know what that meant. In preschool, my favorite activity was art.
I loved to draw, I loved to paint, and I just loved to create. Unfortunately this was kind-of more of a girl
thing. But, the teacher really liked what I did and told my parents that they needed to foster my artistic
talents. When I was in fifth grade, my mom took me
to an animation expo for kids to color. It was there that I heard a guy talking about a school called
Cal Arts. So I instantly turned to my mom and I was like, can I go there? And she was like, maybe… But I knew from that day on that was the school
that I wanted to go to. So I put that on my back of my mind and decided to devote a lot of energy
and time into getting in to this school. I was so dedicated that I kinda had tunnel vision, to be honest.
I really missed out on a lot of really good friendships and I kind of had a hard time understanding why
I couldn’t really connect with people. When I went to middle school, became a really
dark kid. I wore hoodies that covered my entire body cause I really did not like way I looked.
I was really depressed and I would spend all my time in the library and I absolutely had no friends. It
wasn’t until I joined Drama that I kind of started to be a little more confident and I started to come out my
shell, just a little bit. This is where I really started to question
myself. I started to wonder whether or not I was a boy or a girl. Because, at the time, y’know there were
things I kind of liked about the idea of being both. So, I kind of decided that I was somewhere
in between. I kind of accepted that I was genderqueer. And so I started living androgynously, well at
least at school. Things really started looking up, when I was
sixteen (16) years old, I applied to Cal Arts. And when I was seventeen (17), I had found out I had gotten
in on my first try. I was so excited. I was finally going to the school of my dreams. I really honestly couldn’t
believe it. I was even more excited because I had actually, recently came out to my parents
as gay. Even though, I knew that’s really not what I was. And I thought that going to school would mean I
would be able to find some cute guy to – y’know – be in a relationship with. So, at this phase of my life I kind of dressed
a little crazy. I used to wear like splatter painted clothes and I would always wear a handkerchief and had
like this red bag that I thought was just absolutely fabulous. But y’know turns out, not so much. So, I
decided I would change my look up a bit. So I had like a basic uniform; I wore like a plaid shirt, usually
short sleeved, uhm denim cut off shorts, and uhm I used to take those Arabian scarfs and tie them around my
head, and it kind of looked like long hair. And people called me Kitty. Well, some people did. See, cause I kinda was living a double life.
Some people only knew me as Matt. Some people only knew me as Kitty. And it kind of became really
confusing, and really frustrating. One of the things that I probably should’ve
mentioned earlier in this video is that when I hit puberty, I started to develop breasts. And this was basically
why I had so many issues with my body when I was in middle school. Uhm, so I wasn’t really y’know
whether or not I was queer, whether or not I was gay, or maybe I was trans? Either way, my body was definitely telling
me something. In the second semester of my first year of
school, I met this guy named Rob. Rob was this really cute artist and he was really nice, even though
he was thirty (30). Me and him spent Valentine’s Day together. And we ended up dating four (4)
months after that, but deep down inside I really was dealing with a lot of issues because honestly I really
didn’t like being seen as a guy in a relationship. And not that I define my gender off who was attracted to
me or interested in me, so don’t get me wrong but – it was kind of recognizing that he wanted a man and
I couldn’t necessarily be that for him. That helped me realize that – I’m not a boy. I’m not
queer. I’m holding onto this old identity because other people want me to be this identity. But I just needed
to be honest with myself and accept that I’m a girl. And I knew I couldn’t be happy in any relationship unless
I was absolutely honest with myself. So that’s when I made the decision to go
full-time at the end of my freshman year. And when I went full- time, I really started to love myself. So each year at Cal Arts, we had to make our
own animated film. The first year I did a film about a cannibalistic prostitute, my second year I
did a film a little boy who wanted to be a pretty princess, my third year I did a film about a nymph and
a bard, and my last year I did a film about a girl who learned to play the ukulele to impress a boy who lives
in San Francisco. So, I was full-time for over a year and in
my junior year I knew that I had to take mones. I needed to take an estrogen and an anti-androgen. So I did
some research and I figured out how to order hormones online. And I began to self-medicate. I was
really nervous about self-medicating. At about six (6) months I really started to see the changes, and I
was finally really happy with how my body looked. Senior year was my best year. Because by then,
I had already my name legally changed to Kathryn. I was even more excited because I was going to be
moving into the MFFA dorms. And no one would know me in the MFFA dorms. So that meant that I could
be stealth. The first week of my senior year, I went out
and I partied a bunch. I got very drunk and I met a bunch of people and definitely got a lot of male attention. So being stealth ended up being way more complicated
than I initially anticipated. So that’s when I really turned to YouTube to kind of tell my stories
and honestly vent and say things that I just couldn’t say because I was stealth. In my senior year,
I turned twenty-one (21) years old. And to celebrate we went to a bar. And it was at that bar that I met
my friend Arin. Arin invited me over to a party that was the next day. And at that party, I met a very,
very fancy gay man with a bag full of beer. And I knew instantly that we were going to be friends. His name
was Arturo. Me and Arturo became best friends. And I thought
that I should tell him, y’know just assuming that y’know that he was gay that he would maybe
be able to tell, that I was transgendered. And to my shock, he was completely surprised by it. And uhm,
I told him don’t tell anyone about this. And he was like okay, I promise. Arturo had this roommate
that always used to flirt with me, and sometimes I would flirt back. And well apparently, so I found later
on, Arturo really did not like this and since he was really friends with his roommate he decided it would
be a good idea to tell the roommate that I was trans. And in turn, he told another person who told another
person, who eventually told pretty much all the friends that I had made my first few weeks of school.
I was pretty devastated. I was so mad with Arturo that I didn’t talk to him for at least a month. But, he popped up one day and said I’m sorry
and had a new pair of shoes for me. And I said well y’know I guess I’ll forgive you. Honestly, being
stealth was pretty stressful and, in a way, felt kind of relieved that people knew. I had worn wigs through most
of my transition, but in my senior year I started to really wear my real hair. Cause I finally I was kinda
confident to have short hair and not care. Though, unfortunately, toward the end of my last year
I went out with a guy that was really abusive and I ended up cutting off most of my hair and leaving
just my bangs. And uhm, I kind of did this to – y’know- repel the male gaze, but honestly I kind of being
way more confident about myself because I feel that if you can rock a bald head like you can rock almost
no hair, it’s like – I dunno – it’s a huge accomplishment. My final film got into the open show, which
was an accomplishment for me because I never really finished my films until then. And I graduated
with my bachelor’s in Fine Arts in 2012. After graduation, I was really, really depressed because I moved
back in with my parents and I had: no job, no money, and no friends. Ultimately, I kind of felt like
I was a failure at Cal Arts because I really didn’t have a chance to focus cause I was so distracted by transition
really. In hopes of pulling myself out of a rut, I started my own fashion illustrated blog and I started
to pursue some children illustration gigs. But I wasn’t getting the amount of success that I wanted to, so
I still kind of depressed. And my life honestly really changed when I met my boyfriend Nicholas. He accepted
that I was transgender and he respected and loved me. And on top of that, he also encouraged me
to work really hard and I started to focus myself a lot more. I got my gender marker legally changed, and
I just really started to look at my artwork and my career in an entirely different way. One day I got a phone call from FOX animation
studios, they were having an internship at a sub unit called ADHD. I was really excited cause they
gave me the internship, the only downside to this was that I had to take a bus ride every day from San
Dimas to Hollywood. And that’s basically a six (6) hour round trip. Sadly, my internship came to an end. But,
honestly I was kind of relieved because the trip was really stressful and I really didn’t get a lot
of time to do anything other than my internship. But luckily, I was approached by an English professor who was
trying to write a children’s book and he wanted to work with me. He gave me complete creative control
over the book and that’s basically where I am now. Right now, me and my boyfriend, we’re both
working on pursuing our dreams. He wants to be a chef, he’s part Japanese so he wants to have like
a Japanese fusion food truck. And I am pursuing my dreams in animation and children’s illustration,
fashion, all of the above. For once in my life I can say with a hundred percent (100%) certainty that I know
who I am. And I’m really happy with how’ve I’ve become. I have a clear dream for the future and I know
that I’m going to reach my goals. I really wanted to thank everyone who’s been subscribed to me for
the past three (3) years on YouTube. And that you guys continue with many more with me. And if you’re
just checking in, my story is not yet over. There is still so much I didn’t say in this video. So subscribe!
Thanks for sitting through another one of my long videos. Bye guys!

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