Dave Gets Oprah Pregnant – Chappelle’s Show


(phone ringing) Hello. Dave, it’s Oprah. Oh, hey,
what’s up, girl? Look, Dave,
I’m pregnant. Are you sure
it’s mine? No, Dave,
listen, it’s yours. Got ya, bitch! What? Just hold on one second. (Dave)
All right, look, Oprah, I’m gonna fly to Chicago
tomorrow, okay? But I’m going to need you
to send me a ticket. I’ll fly you out. Oh, oh, oh, and baby, could you have
a limousine pick me up at the baggage claim
because I don’t have no cab money to get
from the airport to your house.Okay, sure thing.Thanks, boo. Oprah…
I love you, baby.I love you too,
David Chappelle.
All right, I’m gonna go to work
and tell everybody the good news tomorrow,
and I’ll see you in Chicago. Bye-bye. Hey, everybody,
I got an announcement to make! Ding, ding,
ding ding, ding! I quit! Oh! Kiss my ass, everybody! Excuse me, can I have
a quick word with you? Ah, kiss my ass. Can you type a memo of that
and send it around? (chuckling) I quit! Dave, what’s gotten into you? Oh, Sally, it’s not
what’s gotten into me, it’s what’s
gotten into Oprah: My seed, son! I’m rich, bitch! Hey, hey, you know
I never approved this. Nobody ever
listens to me around here. I’m not dangerous! At least
I wasn’t dangerous. Aah! Morgan? Guys, I almost forgot… remember your spirit. (fart) (laughing) Oh, it sprayed. I’ll see you in Chicago. ♪ Well, we’re movin’ on up ♪ Bye, baby,
have a good day at work. Try to stay off
your feet, boo. ♪ In the sky… ♪ (grunting) Yeah, that feels…
oh, that… (Oprah)
Hello. Hey, baby,
how was the show? Not bad. Oh, this is Chung Lee. Chung Lee, this is
my baby’s momma, Oprah. Baby, hey, baby, you mind
if I get a happy ending? She didn’t say no. All right, I’m ready. (Oprah)
I’m home. Hey, baby. It’s Bruce Lee’s brother. Hello,
I love your show. $7,000 an hour. Sounds expensive,
but I think the safety of you and our baby
are priceless, all right? Check this out. (both screaming) Get away from Oprah! (laughing) (Oprah)
Hello. Hey, baby,
how was the show? Oh, oh,
this is Felicia. Felicia, this is
my baby’s momma, Oprah. Mm-wah! Be out
in a minute,
sweetie. I’m just painting,
finishing up. Let me fill this out
a little bit over here… ♪ Took a whole lotta tryin’ ♪ ♪ Just to get up
that hill ♪ ♪ Now we’re up
in the big leagues ♪ ♪ I gettin’ my turn
at bat… ♪ (Oprah)
David. Oh, snap! Hey, everybody, it’s the lady
that made it all possible. Give it up
for my baby’s momma, Oprah motherfucking Winfrey. What’s happening, baby?
How was the show? Why don’t you go ahead
and run the bathwater, and I’ll come and put
some salt in a minute. I know your feet
probably hurting. All right, now,
all right. Hey, Steve, you mind
pushing the button? I’m gonna take it
from the top. ♪ Fish don’t fry
in the kitchen ♪ ♪ Beans don’t burn
on the grill ♪ ♪ Took a whole lotta tryin’ ♪ ♪ Just to get up
that hill… ♪ (phone ringing) Hello?
You again. Look, Stedman, you gonna have
to move on, alright? No, fuck that,
I don’t care what y’all had. She’s having my baby, okay? So you leave this family alone. I love her! Fine, whatever, bitch. (Oprah)
Dave, honey,
who was that on the phone? Baby, it’s nobody. It was for me. Just go back in the bath. Stedman Graham,
if you fuck this up for me… There you go!
Yes, yeah! You did it, boo, you… What the fuck! Nigga looks
just like Dr. Phil! Women are smart– men are stupid. Oh, shit! Oprah, what about
our dreams, huh? Sorry, Dave. What am I gonna do now?
I quit my job. Shit!

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