Kwame was my wingman
at the Senior Step Show, but he stepped off
with Hannah’s heart. In another life, this could have
been my wedding. (LAUGHING) Ah… It’s– It’s funny.
I’m fine. -To Hannah and Kwame.
-(CHEERING) Come on, Ryan, you knew
you never had a chance with me. (LAUGHS) All right. It’s time for a toast
from the maid of honor, -my sister, Haley.
-(CLAPPING) Peace, brothers and sisters. You know I’m emancipated
from that slave name. I’ve told you many times
via group text, address me as
Dr. Adassa Olayinka Ali-Young. You can’t just put “doctor”
in front of your name, Haley. Only Oprah can do that for you. Congrats to the newlyweds,
Kwame and my beloved baby sister who still embraces
her devil name, Hannah. See– see, Hannah reduces
to “Ha” and “Nah”. “Ha” being the laughter
of all oppressors, and “Nah”, she shouldn’t
be using that name. Oh Lord, it’s gone be Aunt Maybelle’s
funeral all over again. That’s why I choose to exalt her
with her Ibo name… -Nkechi Amare Diallo.
-What? That’s Rachael Dolezal’s
counterfeit African name. No, no, no, no!
See, see, see, we are reclaiming that name back from
the edge-less white woman, who pretended to be
a black woman, just to get that name from us. They always plottin’. See, I told you she was crazy. You didn’t tell me she was deep. See, see, this blood diamond
on your finger is just a symbol of your ideological entrapment. -Ring, ring, slavery’s calling.
-(CROWD GASPING) You promised
you wouldn’t do this! And that doesn’t make any sense. No, what doesn’t make sense
is y’all jumpin’ the broom. Haley! Now is not the time. Well how many Caucasian seconds
must pass before it’s time for me to speak the truth? Open your ears to blow
your mind, original people. Jumping the broom
is not something our continental ancestors did.
No. There wasn’t even brooms
in Africa because there was no dirt. See, see, see, see. See, the Europeans just put sticks
in our hands, even though they had been using
vacuum cleaners since the Middle Ages.
Think about it. Dyson breaks down to Die-Son. -They want us
to kill our children.
-(CROWD GROANING) -They tried to humiliate us.
-I’m humiliated. The truth is, you two have
a beautiful black love that most people would be elated
to find. -(CHEERING)
-Woo! Praise her. Although, what me and my king,
Supreme Ramik, have, transcends
your earthly definition of love. Yes, see, we exchanged our vows
on the ancestral plane, amongst vibranium. Not down here
on your earthly plane. Also, he refuses to marry me
on this plane, for tax reasons. -Oh shit,
do taxes work like that?
-Mm-hmm. So technically,
on this plane, she’s single. But in your ignorance,
dear brother-in-law, I find a beautiful opportunity to educate the newest member
of our family. So please everyone,
raise your glasses, -(CHEERING)
-Take off your shoes, and throw your pork
on the floor. -That’s it!
-(GASPS) Girl, if you don’t sit
your five percent ass one hundred percent
of the way down, I’m cutting off
your inheritance,Haley.Okay, Daddy. RYAN:So, does Supreme Ramik
let you have friends?HALEY:Yeah, he do.